how about YOU recommend the books for once

GOD.

its always what I READ this month and what I RECOMMEND that month. i’m so sick of you people forcing me to recommend things!!!!!!! every time i read a book or play a video game or watch a movie i’m FORCED to think, “would my SUBSTACK AUDIENCE enjoy this?” ALL I THINK ABOUT when i’m watching a movie is what i’m gonna rate it on letterboxd,¹ and its KILLING ME!! and it’s YOUR FAULT!!! I CAN’T DO THIS ANYMORE!!!

anyways i have a big list of books in my notes app that i wanna buy and i don’t know which ones to pick… pick like 3 or 4 for me and comment them please… im just a dumb slut and i honestly hate reading and writing to be honest. i have a large backlog of books already but i bought 2 ikea bookshelves recently and they’re looking quite barren. i don’t want people to think i’m some illiterate fool so i need to fill them.

Whatever (Michel Houellebecq)

this one seems interesting but i don’t want to buy it because all the available copies at the bookstores near me have underwear on the cover and i would be so embarassed if my mommy or daddy saw it… i’m also a little fed up with No Longer Human-style books about miserable people living miserable lives, so please only recommend this if it’s not like that. this michel fellow also seems like a pretty funny guy. i need to be reading more french authors.²

Roadside Picnic (Arkady Strugatsky and Boris Strugatsky)

is it worth reading if i’ve already seen the Tarkovsky film, and i’ve played stalker? i haven’t really played stalker, maybe only a couple hours, i like the idea of playing stalker but i don’t actually like playing it. i like soviet union era media. i hate doing research and trying to figure out which translation is the best one. tell me straight. tell it to me straight.

Too Like The Lightning (Ada Palmer)

i only know about this author because the introduction she wrote for the Tor Essentials edition of Shadow and Claw is one of the best things i’ve ever read. is the rest of her writing as good? is this her best book or is there a better one? should i care about anything? please harass me.

Quicksand (Jun'ichirō Tanizaki)

looks gay. i just want to read a japanese author other than mishima. is it good, it looks good, you tell me, what do i know, i’m just someone you can step on.

Catch-22 (Joseph Heller)

very funny premise. an apparent classic. looks good. i’ll probably get this even if you say it sucks. it seems, however, that this book may require “patience” to read, a quality which i lack. i may consider your refusal of this recommendation if this book is indeed one that requires “patience” to read.

Journey to the End of the Night (Louis-Ferdinand Céline)

it’s just that i’m already enough of a misanthrope, i don’t need more fuel. is this book fuel? i have really violent thoughts. maybe a hundred years ago they would’ve put me down. another french author. enough to drive you crazy sometimes. it’s enough to drive you crazy.

Lolita (Vladimir Nabokov)

i just don’t want it on my shelf. does the quality of this book outweigh the discomfort of having it on my shelf? let me know.

Snow Crash (Neal Stephenson)

i’ll be honest, i didn’t like neuromancer. i couldn’t get into it. i don’t even remember why this book is on my list. this is a nuclear hot take but i don’t think that cyberpunk lends itself well to the written medium. it needs tactility. is this book tactile? i still need to watch blade runner 2047. gosh, all this stuff to do! i’ll never be bored!

Petersburg (Andrei Bely)

looks cool, looks grand, sweeping, kaleidoscopic, etc. is it long? i don’t wanna read it if it’s long. i’m done with long books. in my city long books’d be banned. what would you do about it?

The Loser (Thomas Bernhard)

i think this book is about feeling inferior to people who are younger and more talented than you are, so it sounds right up my alley. maybe it’s not about that i don’t know. the title implies it’s another No Longer Human-core book. i don’t know anything, but you’re so fucking smart aren’t you.

Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close (Jonathan Safran Foer)

i’m 9/11 crazy! i subscribe to many clip channels and get excited when a new angle is released. this book seems to be more centered around 9/11 and not about it, so it might be boring to me. wake me up if it’s not. there’s a movie about it, oh tom hanks is in it? he sure likes taking pictures of gloves. i heard he was on the plane when it all went down.

now i’m not some psycho, i’m not some freak psycho who wants to kill you, i’d prefer if you picked from this little list, but if there’s a book that’s not here that you want me to read so bad because you love me, you can mention it. but y’know keep it reasonable. poetry, preferrably. ily

this post is NOT engagement bait i would never do that. i would never make a post encouraging people to comment about the books that they like, to see what it does to the substack algorithm, because i know that people love talking about the stuff that they like, and because i see so many notes asking, “whats your favourite movie?” that get hundreds of comments and likes, i would never do that. i would never try to draw a bunch of attention towards this account prior to releasing a large collaborative project. i wouldn’t do that.

1. https://boxd.it/8XGYj

2. been reading baudelaire lately. good stuff