excl_diary25_jan1-7

(active participant)

jan 1

first quarter century of the millennium pop your corks arm your children. my family is talking downstairs I went to bed Early to brood / sulk / rest my sleepy head / look at my cell phone waiting for them to leave… ok they left now. there should be a word for the cacophony of “ok bye see you see ya bye!!”s that erupt the moment after you’re done having the “two families having a conversation at the doorway before they leave” conversation. im coining the term, “exit roar,” and in the urban dictionary definition you have to link to this substack post thank you. I am laying in bed right now havent showered lots of licqker in my tummy sick to my fucking stomach thinking about my incel slave life and how i’ve ne’er had sex as usual.. I wonder how many people on this web site were waiting for the new year 2 start a sort of diary style post series. I had the idea on December 30th so I didnt need to wait very long. my complete lily-white uncorrupted maiden promise to you: for the first seven days of january , utter devotion Carthusian Monk¹ level dedication to unrefined stream-of-consciousness writing every day active participation. after that, no pinky promises.. but this Is an easy way to farm posts so probably I will post these journal entries often.² i feel gross I don’t like going to bed without showering im probably covered in rabbit shit and pee because I cleaned their litter box 2day. the morning showerer is an unensouled degenerate content to lie festering and crusting over in darkness and silence and the perfect angel night showerer has only pure and fluffy clean dreams about righteousness justice and Dove Soap etc³. I want 2025 to be good. baby im tired… actual resolution besides getting my life together financially and creatively is to stop eating like pig shit. pizza⁴ and kraft dinner everyday like a good little incel slave im growing soft lads… I look back one year ago at my twink body and weep… except I don’t because I feel more confident now that I dont weigh 100 pounds funny how that works. I used to not feel comfortable unless I carried a large knife with me however that is NOT so legal around here so I do not do that anymore because its corny and stupid and childish. canadian law: you should be ASHAMED of defending yourself gay little slave.⁵ I find most people Revolting actually and I flinch when people touch me and have done so since an infant I bet something Really Bad happened to me
ummm hai :3c its da morning now,,, iate a banana and i am drinking mint yerba mate… i like to hug my bunnies and kiss them on the fore head in the morning + brush their fur… actual unironic sage advice: if you lack a reason to wake up in the morning you have to get some kind of pet to take care of and give a wonderful life. i think i mentioned this in that shitty gen z advice column article i wrote in like 20 minutes and everything in that post is bullshit and doesnt work and for some reason is responsible for more than half of my subscriber base but it’s probably one of the most important things to take away, responsibility for something other than yourself. ideally that something should be a human child that you’re raising with somebody else but who does that anymore… bust raw tn queen? also fuck carti for not dropping in 2024 he is the yandere dev of rap “its out when its out" fucking freak.
WELCOME 2 MY CIRCUMSTANCES…
i am financially raped daily LMAOO my bank account password is very easy 2 figure out
i believe i shall make sum molasses cookies this afternoon… keep u posted!!
everything im doing is actually PREPRODUCTION ok every action every word it is PREPRODUCTION for the BIG DAY
i have decided against the cookies please refer to my prior statement of not wanting to be a fat pig
there is a certain fiction project i am creating that, the amount of time that i spend thinking about it is wildly disproportionate to the amount of time that i spend working on it, and so i would like to REMEDY that this year. either that or stop thinking about it all together which i may have sunk-costed my way into not being able to do.⁶
guys, the whole cookie thing, i know i was adamant, i was steadfast, but i think i acted too hastily. i t6hink im gonna make some cookies..
in my bunny rabbit coop hanging out the rain is utterly POURING… I shall shower and then make cookies type shit.. heavy wind and rain. I hope they don’t get scared. I like my bunnies bc of their cuteness
lesbian couples be beatin each other with clubs and shit I didnt kno that!
cookie recipe made like 50 cookies ion know it was finna do that… i should watch a movie tonight!!

jan 2

i watched XIAO WU… low budget chinese commiecore joint abt a pickpocketing chinese man in zoot suit wh0 falls in l<3ve w a hooker… oldest plot in tha book… if it was 45 minutes shorter i think it would be perfect.
boredom is pretty cool because its an infinite cycle that can be exploited by companies to generate infinite money forever if u want a billion dollars find an appetite that can never be satisfied and feed it. LIKE PORN!!!
drove to drop off a package today and they FUCKING changed the entire road to where i was going they added like three roundabouts for no reason other than to MESS with me. also i slept in very strangely this morning, woke up went on my phone and suddenly found that i had fallen back asleep for like a hour, i usually never do that. nicotine withdrawal? or something more sinister..
im so cohesive

jan 3

wonderful sleep this morning because nicotine addiction isnt real in fact no addiction is real. tried to watch UNREST by Cyril Schäublin last night but it was just a bunch of boring politics drivel so i turnt it off.⁷ very pretty tho.
todays coordinates: 38°01'59.4"N 115°26'33.1"W
just did some downtown stunt driving and also picked up a geek bar. weird aftertaste compared to what i usually suck on. tastes like chicken i stg. I LOVE A GOOD UNPLEASANT HEAD RUSH!!!!!
ummm is there a REASON for ME to BE here. i feel quite creatively aimless and career-ally unmotivated. im not sure what to write about in these because not much actually happens to me. i journal’d a lot as a kid and at the beginning of last year but i always fall off. not sure how i feel about journaling.. feels like ruminating more than some kind of emotional catharsis. good writers have turbulent lives and mine is very static. i am on my computer a lot
ME ME ME ME ME thats all i hear

jan 4

had a dream⁸ where i was a huge rpg-style 490-pound 6’11” (dream accurate measurements) tank character. I remember moving very sluggishly. fairly consistent lore-wise. there were these monsters that i guess possessed people I cant really remember but all I remember was that they were really dangerous. it wasn’t a fantasy world either it was modern day but I was some kind of species that wasnt human. details are slipping away… I remember meeting gay doctor who was taller than me. a cottage in the desert that we thought was ours, we went to the coordinates they gave us but it was like a huge mansion and we rented something for like 6 people, and it was infested with rabbits and other creatures. I remember a floor of spiders that made skittering noises but I wasn’t scared of them for some reason even though I hate spiders. i looked at the spider floor for what felt like hours. the people who were renting out the cottage that we thought was ours arrived and this BITCH old lady was a BITCH, she parked her car RIGHT UP against my massive truck so I pushed her car out of the way lol. with my TANK STRENGTH. you know the old lady in baldurs gate 3 (spoilers) who’s like an evil witch? it turns out the old lady was that. ohhh I think I remember the beginning of the dream now, I was part of some kind of secret organization, all I remember is flashing my secret id to the police when they questioned why I was here and they were like “oh how can we help you sir.” it had to do with those possession monsters I mentioned earlier. I remember defeating some kind of boss, when he died he exploded into a bunch of parts and his sword stuck to the wall so I looted it. it was a huge fire greatsword, and also at some point I got a fire gun. and a really heavy helmet made of rock. not sure how much more detail I can squeeze out of this dream. I was in love with someone but I don’t remember her name, only that she was frail
i have to stop myself from googling shit like “how to start writing a story” “plot outline” etc what a JOKE.
I think the average human state is one of paranoia. like evolutionarily. to avoid predators and shit. nobody said that life is supposed to be comfortable. is this a gay doomer opinion
you know people always say they hate advertising themselves and shit but I actually enjoy it. if u get something out of my writing I would appreciate if u threw 3.45$ USD (i think thats what it is) towards me via a paid subscription… i would consider my current situation not dire but “unstable” and “gay.” tank you. begging actually feels like cumming to me
time is le ultimate luxurry..
something funney: i was a very weak child due Sickness so i thought i would make a better girl than a boy⁹

jan 5

dream where i ate some kind of thanksgiving dinner at school with a dirty fork… probably other stuff happened but i don’t remember it
very cold today. froze my pussy off going 2 feed my bunnies in tha morning…
im so grateful for my parents man im so lucky to have them… ik there’s like a “absent father figure crisis” type thing going on or w/e but my dad is like, as corny and cliche as it sounds, my hero. sorry i just had 2 flex on all of the dysfunctional household readers
i be seeing news and shit and all i can think is, not my issue!!!!
drunkkkkkkkkk an i watched a mvioie… FUCK YOUUUUUU/ ntohnig haopened today .

jan 6

trudeau is stepping down… is this a canadian happening? do we ever have any of those? i remain adamant.
you know on the whole fear of spiders thing i think its something i should really get over. part of the fear was the childhood belief that the way they acted was somehow out of malice, being creepy and crawly on purpose to scare me, but i mean that’s such a silly belief. i respect them… i think their webs are cool but they are also very pervasive and i don’t like walking into them.¹⁰ i hate to admit it but jumping spiders are also pretty cute. in 2025 i will learn to make peace with them..
one of my hobbies is going for walks and hiding from passing cars by going into the woods¹¹
been watching a lot of true crime JCS style videos lately…. fuckign crazy world . matt orchard is a good channel. its not good to watch videos like this its probably soul poison but IM NOT PERFECT!!!! i think you gotta have a few screws loose to make videos like that¹²

jan 7

wow writing a little journal entry every day has made time seem to run very slowly… i think its because i’m writing in the style of, “today i did this, and that,” like i’ve usually done. reading jan 1 feels ancient..
plot breakthru on a fiction thing i’m working on. i hope you understand that all this substack account is is a way to gather eyes for when i eventually start writing actual books. my dream, and, you can laugh at me, you can find me slit my throat rip my limbs off bite me and laugh, but i want to write this book and then adapt it into an anime. thats my dream go on laugh at me LAUGH. i’ve said this before, anime is the pinnacle of artistic human anatomical stylization and the japanese use it to portray bargain bin isekai and tentacle rape. its like inventing perpetual motion and using it to power a mitsubishi mirage. i, however, have kind of pigeonholed myself into somewhat of an un-serious position with some of my writing, and i don’t want whatever ““““character””””” you may see me as to interfere with my other stuff. so i won’t talk about details too much. do u get what i mean or am i retarded. i want the story to exist in a world far outside of me. wear your serious hat whilst reading it.
i have gone from 0 subscribers posting shitty poems to 666 subscribers posting shitty poems but the point is i’ve never grown anything organically like that before in my life. i live a very “zero views” life you see. to me this whole thing is pretty cool so ty.

1. i drank their green potion

2. i’m just kidding here…. no inboxes will be flooded

3. does showering at night give women the ick? please tell me

4. i dont think i can give up pizza actually. i mean there are ways to make it healthy anyway. kraft dinner however is getting the axe and this makes me quite sad…

5. once ppc wins this election i can finally open carry my 3d printed P90 (JOKE)

6. very real thing to look out for. i don’t think its the case with this project but it certainly is for others. 2025 is the year of not spreading ourselves thin

7. “anarchy” shut up… if u’ve seen this movie tell me if i’m missing out

8. incoming incoherent dream babble written directly after waking up

9. jk im a girl

10. respect my bubble!!!

11. this is real idk i just find something very satisfying and comforting about hiding

12. like to be a “true crime guy” and to be following the “true crime community.” go into any youtube video about something tragic and related to crime and in the comment section there will be at least 75 profile pictures 3/4 raised selfies of bad looking middle-aged women in terrible lighting pitying the video’s subject… strange phenomenon